Biography:
"Cap'n" Weird Beard

History: 
 "Cap'n" Weird Beard - Half blind, half deaf, old as dirt, more than just a little senile, and completely dehumidified.  The details of his personal history are sketchy at best because the only source of information is thru his numerous stories and, lets face it, his memory just isn't what it used to be.  In his youth, Weird Beard claims to have been the leader of a band of murderous cutthroat pirates who sailed the high seas - pillaging and plundering all they came in contact with (while he seduced or raped all the women HE came in contact with).  This earned him the reputation of being the most feared and dangerous pirate in all the land.  In fact, some even called him "Cap'n" Weird Beard the Feared.  Although The "Cap'n" has no known family, he is undoubtedly the father to many a child from these countless *ahem* conquests.  After 20 or so years at sea, The "Cap'n" amassed such a large fortune in gold and jewels that he literally sunk his finest ship, Lady of the Sea, with it.  He took this as a sign to end his murderous ways and retire from the "business", but not before retrieving his fortune from the murky depths.

Personality:  
Weird Beard is about as eccentric as he looks and absolutely insists on being called "Cap'n".  He can get downright nasty at times, especially when he hasn't had his nap, but is never intentionally mean to anybody.  He is usually a quiet man - only speaking his mind when he feels it necessary, but get him talking about ships, the sea, or his pirating days and you'll be hard-pressed to get him to stop.  Although his exterior is quite gruff, he has a very compassionate and warm heart - making The "Cap'n" quite the ladies' man.  Somehow his exceptional charm and charisma always seem to outweigh his senility.

Occupation:  
The "Cap'n"  is independently wealthy and has been semi-retired for many years.  Although he doesn't have a formal job, he (sort of) runs the only dock on 404 Error Street and just putters around in his numerous ships - especially the work-in-progress recreation of his finest pirate ship Lady of the Sea.  He also does his fair share of storytelling and entertains many a soul with his pirate stories.

Life-long Goal: 
Come on.  He's old as dirt.  Now isn't really the time for him to be setting any new life long goals.  However, he would like to set foot on the deck of Lady of the Sea one more time as "The Cap'n"

Loves: 
 The Sea, ships, gold, jewels, bean burritos, and the ladies.

Hates:  
Landlubbers, hornswogglers, and scurvy scalawags!

Astrological Sun Sign: 
Aquarius

Other info:  
Weird Beard likes to jokingly "bop" people on the head with his cane when it suits him.  It's been rumored that his cane is actually a very long pipe and that The "Cap'n" enjoys a toke every now and then.  This may also explain why he sometimes talks to an imaginary parrot on his shoulder.

Catch Phrase:  
"Ahhh...  Lady of the Sea..."

D.C.