Biography:
Sir Reginald Poopensmack

History:  
Sir Reginald Poopensmack - Kilt clad and dehumidified.  The byproduct of a brief unintentional encounter between a distinguished (and wealthy) English English professor and a white trash crack whore.  He was barely raised by his mother until age 7, and when she died of a Spam overdose, his father gladly took Reginald back to England with him.  His father had him properly schooled and it was determined early on that he was an 'almost genius'.  At age 17 Reginald was knighted by the Queen after thwarting an attempt on her life by the evil mastermind Byrzyeerwnt.  News of the knighted 17 year old 'almost genius' and his amazing victory spread quickly all over Europe.  Sir Reginald Poopensmack loathed the fame and the autograph signing and the fancy dinners and the speeches.  Finally, it became too much for him and at age 18 he decided to leave England and take an extended trip in the hopes of finding himself and leading a simpler life.  For 10 years he lived off of the land in the rainforests of Madagascar where he befriended a small lemur which he named Gertrude.  They quickly became inseparable.  Upon returning to England at age 28, Reginald discovered that while his father was in prison for not paying the child support from his numerous other brief unintentional encounters, he was ass raped to death by his cellmate.  Reginald was left with his fathers entire estate.  Before the press caught wind of his return, Sir Reginald Poopensmack decided to leave the country.  He moved to Australia with his little cousin Humphrey, to keep an eye on him and also possibly get some free smack.

Personality:  
Reginald is usually quite melancholy and reserved but he IS excitable under the right circumstances and can become a crazy fun-loving goofball.  He inherently distrusts people and because of this has never had many 'real' friends.  He only truly trusts and confides in his pet lemur Gertrude.  He hates attention and avoids the spotlight at all costs unless, of course, it is karaoke night.  Either he is quite modest and refuses to admit that he's an 'almost genius' or he is totally oblivious to the fact.

Occupation:  
Reginald, being independently wealthy, is a tinkerer by day and tinkers with himself at night.

Life-long Goal:  
To find unconditional love from one individual on this awful scary planet and be content with life.  He has already achieved it.

Loves:  
Gertrude above all else (of course), kilts, smack, monster trucks, the word 'smock', tuna noodle casserole and triple-expanding insulating foam.

Hates:  
Hate, Stupidity, Ignorance, Racism, oranges with seeds in them, the number 5, and dryer sheets.

Astrological Sun Sign: 
Pisces

Other info:  
He has the strange habit of hiding weird or unusual objects under his kilt and bringing them out at very inappropriate and/or very appropriate times... Depending on the situation.  Occasionally he'll do a bit of smack.  He has a poor British accent.

Catch Phrase:  
"That Rips ASS!"

D.C.